When the twins fought within her womb, Rebekah asked, lamah zeh anochi (“Why do I exist?”), and then the LORD gave her the prophecy: ve’rav ya’avod tza’ir – “the older (or “stronger) shall serve the younger” (see Gen. 25:23). God had chosen one of her two children to become the heir of the covenantal promise, and she therefore may have thought it was her purpose or mission in life to help make that happen… However, Rebekah’s elaborate scheme to trick her husband by exchanging the twins for the blessing was doomed from the outset, since God needed to open the blind eyes of Isaac to truly bless Jacob as the family heir (Gen. 28:1-4). Rebekah’s mistake was that she thought it was her job to intervene, or to “help God” by resorting to human intervention – somewhat like her mother-in-law Sarah earlier had sought to “help God” by giving Hagar as a surrogate wife to Abraham to produce the heir. It is a difficult thing to let go and to trust that the Lord will take care of everything. Lamah zeh anochi – Why do I exist, except to bear witness to God’s providential plan and to trust in God’s power to work all things together for good?
Such a plaintive question, lamah zeh anochi – “Why do I exist?” When she was young, Rebekah seemed strong, secure, and courageous. For example, after meeting Eliezer she unhesitatingly declared her willingness to leave all that she knew to go to a strange land and to marry an unknown man — all for the promise of an unseen good. Nevertheless Rebekah was tested. First, she (like Sarah) was barren and for 20 years ached for a child with Isaac. Second, her pregnancy was difficult and the Lord foretold her that though she would have twins, there would be an ongoing conflict between them that would trouble their lives. Third, after bearing the children, Rebekah’s turmoil continued: her husband discounted her faith; her sons pathetically competed for the approval of their father; and she was torn to choose to stand with Jacob even if that jeopardized her relationship with both Esau and Isaac. And later, after the scheme to exchange Jacob for Esau was exposed, her worst fear was realized: she indeed lost both of her sons (Esau because of her betrayal, and Jacob after he fled to Mesopotamia). Struggle after struggle: lamah zeh anochi? Why is this happening to me? Why did I deserve such a fate? Why, but to partake of the truth – to suffer for the sake of the deliverance of God’s ultimate blessing for the world. Like Rebekah, we have an important part to play, though assuredly we will be tested and experience challenges along the way. Lameh zeh anochi? To learn to trust God for all that happens in life…
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Note: This post is related to this week’s Torah reading, parashat Toldot.
Our Lord said: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…” (Matt. 5:6). Yes, blessed are those who suffer such desperate need, who know inner emptiness, who are not made numb to the ache, and who cry from the heart for deliverance. Blessed are those who are in dread over themselves, who fall as one dead before the Divine Presence, who know they are undone, ruined, and dying for life… The great danger, spiritually speaking, is to become complacent, untouched by poverty of heart, to be lulled asleep, lost within a dream, made comatose, living-yet-dead. The gift of faith first reveals our own lostness and then imparts courage to live with ourselves despite ourselves as we seek God’s healing and life… Let us press on, dear friends.
In our Torah portion this week (
Regarding the contrast between “religion” and “spirituality,” Carl Jung once wrote: “One of the main functions of formalized religion is to protect people against a direct experience of God.” The use of rituals, ceremonial laws, customs, the establishment of a hierarchy of believers (i.e., professional clergy), and so on, devises a layer or buffer to avoid personal encounter with God… As Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) once said, “The most pernicious of all evasions is—hidden in the crowd, to want, as it were, to avoid God’s inspection of oneself as a single individual, avoid hearing God’s voice as a single individual, as Adam once did when his bad conscience fooled him into thinking that he could hide among the trees” (Upbuilding Discourses in Various Spirits). Likewise religious dogma (or theology) can create a belief system that encourages a sense of “us” against “them” that leads to the quintessential prayer fo the hypocrite: “God, I thank you that I am not like other men” (Luke 18:11). Again Kierkegaard insightfully notes that theologizing can serve to excuse people from the duty to live in genuine faith: “All this interpreting and interpreting and scholarly research and new scholarly research that is produced on the solemn and serious principle that it is in order to understand God’s Word properly — look more closely and you will see that it is in order to defend oneself against God’s Word. It is only all too easy to understand the requirement contained in God’s Word” (For Self-Examination).
Keep the flame within your heart burning, friend… A sage once told a person struggling with his faith: “It is written that all creation was brought into being because of people like you. God saw there would be people who would cling to our holy faith, suffering greatly because confusion and doubt would plague them. God perceived that such would overcome these doubts and troubles of heart and remain strong in their belief. It was because of this that God brought forth all creation.” Indeed, it was because of this that Yeshua our LORD suffered and died for you… Amen. Therefore never yield to despair, since that leads to further darkness and fear. Press on and keep fighting the “good fight” of faith (1 Tim. 6:12). Remember that you infinitely matter to heaven; your life has great value; you are significant and you are truly loved by our Heavenly Father. There is a “future and a hope” for you; there is “a white stone, and on that stone will be written a new name that no one can understand except the one who receives it” (Rev. 2:17). May “the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perishes, though it be tested with fire, be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation to come” (1 Pet. 1:7).
In the Torah we read: “And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God…” (Deut. 10:12). Notice that “fear of the LORD,” yirat Adonai (יִרְאַת יהוה), comes first and is what is required of you. The sages say that to fear the LORD means that your fear should be like God’s fear. But what could God possibly fear, you ask? Only this: that you will turn away from his love and destroy yourself. To fear God means abhorring that which breaks the relationship He desires with you. That is the wound of God’s heart, and that is what God “fears.”
More space is given to the negotiation between Abraham and the Hittites for the 
The Talmud states that even after the judgment of the great Flood (הַמַּבּוּל) humanity refused to truly turn back to God (as the present state of this world also attests). In light of the ongoing wickedness of mankind, the early sages Hillel and Shammai engaged in a protracted machlochet l’shamayim (“a debate for the sake of heaven”) regarding whether it would have been better for humans not to have been created at all… Hillel argued that it was better that humans had been created, whereas Shammai argued the other way. Finally a vote was called for and the decision rendered was this: It would have been better for humans not to have been created than to have been created. However, since we do in fact exist, we must search our past deeds and carefully examine what we are about to do (Eruvin 13b).
The disciples assumed Yeshua needed earthly bread to find strength, but he said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about” (John 4:32). This “hidden bread” (i.e., lechem ha-nistar: לֶחֶם הַנִסְתָּר) was the passion and joy He had doing the will of God… Notice how the Teacher often used metaphors to elevate the thinking of his students. Earthly bread is a shadow of a deeper reality. Just as physical bread is a means to physical life, so “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that God speaks” (Deut. 8:4; Matt. 4:4). Therefore Yeshua is the true manna, the “Living Bread” (לֶחֶם חַיִּים) from heaven that sustains us in “the desert” of this world. He is the One who truly satisfies the heart by removing the inner pain of our emptiness and hunger.