Part of the meaning of teshuvah (i.e., “repentance”), at least for some of us, is learning to trust and believe in love…. If you were abandoned as a child, for instance, you were deprived of the security, nurture, and basic human connection you needed to partake in love. Instead of acquiring a sense of belonging and acceptance your soul desperately needed, you inherited a sense of shame that taught that you were inherently unlovable and unworthy. Consequently, as you grew up, you may have found it difficult to trust or ask others for help; you might have turned inward, relying only on yourself, protecting yourself from further pain. You may have became lonely, filled with sadness, anger, and fear. Ironically and tragically, as you protected yourself from abandonment you made your heart hard and numb, and that led to the abandonment of yourself….
There are providential miracles… Healing can come when we turn again to ourselves – unconditionally accepting ourselves despite the pain of our past – and open our hearts to be loved. It was when he “came to himself” that the prodigal made the decision to go back to his father (Luke 15:17). Therefore the Spirit of God calls out to the bereft: “Return to your heart and know” (Deut. 4:29). This is possible only if we are willing to turn to God for the grace we need to be made whole. It is by turning to God (i.e., teshuvah) that we find ourselves to be beloved and made whole. Believing in God’s love for us enables us to truly love ourselves, and from that connection, we can move out to love others as well.
O friend of forsaken hope, savor the phrase, “Know therefore today and return to your heart…” It the heart that is the place of connection with God… As Yeshua said, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me” (Rev. 3:20). Today may you find courage to “return to your heart” and receive again God’s love for your soul… Amen.
