To be a human being is a paradox, caught between the realms of the infinite and nothingness; a union of endless possibility yet terminating limitation. Man desires to live forever but is conscious that one day he will die. He is an incongruity – a mix of flesh and spirit, saint and sinner, good and evil, angel and animal… A spirituality that demands for us to be always happy, always “up,” is therefore dishonest, since the truth is grounded in what is real, and that includes both the miserable and the tragic as well as the joyful and sublime. It’s not that there is no difference between good and evil within the heart, but both are part of who we really are. It is the bittersweet struggle, the process of walking as “saintly sinners,” “holy fools,” “dying immortals,” and so on, that defines us. We must embrace our brokenness, in order to become whole; there is no healing without true confession of our need. Therefore we come to the paradoxical cross – the place of utter pain, separation, and death – to find healing, acceptance and life.
Please note this is not to deny that we are to walk by the Spirit and reckon ourselves dead to sin in the Messiah (Rom. 6:11); however, far from being a sign of a lack of spirituality, personal struggle is a sign of its presence…. Only those who are conscious of the tragic, who are haunted by the disparity between what “is” and what “ought” to be; only those who are divided within themselves, torn by inner tension and conflict – those aware that they are both in this world but not of it – sojourners, a long long way from home, homesick for the heavenly city, who inwardly ache and yearn to be fully redeemed – only these, it may be said, are consciously spiritual. After all, the worldling, the self-confident and self-possessed, rarely desire deliverance from themselves and are often content to rationalize the state of their soul; the spiritual person, on the other hand, senses a profound incompletion, a lack, a fracture that runs straight through the core of reality, a breach that needs to be healed…
I would utterly die of despair over myself were it not for the truth that it is not about who I am that is as important as about who He is…
There is great joy, of course, and we are indeed to “rejoice in the Lord always,” but there is also real pain in our lives, and I’d rather be in the company of those mourning the mess they have made of their lives than with someone who thinks they’ve got it all together… “We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything” (2 Cor. 6:8-10).
