One of the greatest mistakes is to forget who you really are and your beloved status before the LORD… “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine” (Isa. 43:1). Forgetting who you are leads to forgetting who the LORD is, just as forgetting who the LORD is leads to forgetting who you are…
The Torah declares: “You are children of the LORD your God (בָּנִים אַתֶּם לַיהוָה אֱלהֵיכֶם). You shall not cut yourselves for the dead” (Deut. 14:1). In this verse, Moses reminds the people that they are children of the Eternal (יהוה) and therefore they were not to mourn for the dead like those without hope of life beyond the grave… Our God, the Father of Israel, is the Source of Life, and even if our earthly fathers die, we will never be orphans, because the LORD, the Everlasting God who is the “God of the spirits of all flesh” (אֱלהֵי הָרוּחת לְכָל־בָּשָׂר), always watches over us: “He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber” (Psalm 121:3). But if we forget who we are, if we lose sight of our place in the Heavenly Father’s heart, then we are likely to fall into a state of excessive and self-destructive mourning over the losses we experience in this world. In the most tragic cases, this can lead to the darkness of unremedied despair, “living among the tombs, crying out and cutting himself with stones” (Mark 5:5). On the other hand, if remember our place at the Father’s table as his children, if we take hold that we are beloved of God – his very own “treasured people” – then we will regard the difficulties we encounter in this world as a test of faith intended for our good (Deut. 8:3,16, Jer. 29:11).
God regards us as his beloved children, and therefore we trust him as a child trusts his father. We may not always understand all that our father does, but we have complete faith in his good will toward us, even in the face of death itself. We do not engage in self-destructive mourning, then, because we are treasured by God and we trust in God’s promises for eternal life (John 11:25). Because of this, Jewish halakhah (legal custom) puts limits to grieving practices. Excessive mourning, interminable gloom, self-destructive anger, or the refusal to let go of our fear may indicate a lack of faith in God’s care as our Father. Remember where it says “God works all things together for good,” for that includes even physical death… Let us therefore “hope to the LORD (קַוֵּה אֶל־יְהוָה); be strong and strengthen our heart; and (again) let us hope to the LORD” (Psalm 27:14).
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For more on this very important topic, please see the article “Am Segulah.”