It’s tragic that many want to retaliate against those who have hurt them, clinging to their wounded pride and allowing bitterness to take root in their hearts. Holding grudges, harboring spite, and seething in anger are common and deadly sins. As psychologist Erich Fromm once astutely observed: “There is perhaps no phenomenon which contains so much destructive feeling as ‘moral indignation,’ which permits envy or hate to be acted out under the guise of virtue.”
Interestingly, the English word “resentment” literally means “feeling again,” alluding to the reliving of an offense, real or imagined, that instills an unforgiving attitude of the heart and mind that refuses to let go… “Anger and resentment are like drinking poisoned waters — and hoping the other person will die.”
Many wounded people live with “scar tissue” that surrounds their heart, making them feel numb and unwilling to open up and trust others. Their affections have become disordered and their ego rationalizes blaming others or seeking various forms of entitlement. “Turning off your heart” can mean suppressing any positive regard for others (empathy) while nurturing anger and self-righteousness, or it may mean withdrawing from others as a lifeless shell (both approaches vainly attempt to defend the heart from hurt). Although Yeshua always showed great compassion, especially to the wounded and broken in spirit (Isa. 42:3), He regularly condemned the “hardness of heart” (“sclero-cardia,” σκληροκαρδία) of those who opposed his message of healing and love.
Yeshua warned that transgressions were inevitable – and he warned of great sorrow that would come to those through whom they come (Luke 17:1) – but he did not fulminate against the deeds of the wicked as much as he focused on our need to forgive others when they sinned against us. Indeed, Yeshua considered our need to forgive to be one of the most crucial matters of life itself, a corollary of the gospel message itself.
Consider Peter’s response to Yeshua’s teaching about correcting a brother who sins against another (Matt. 18:15-20). When he asked how often he should forgive someone who had sinned against him, wondering if “seven times” was sufficient before he could justifiably “excommunicate” him (see Luke 17:3-4), Yeshua corrected him by saying, “not seven times, but seven times seventy times,” in effect saying that forgiveness was an ongoing attitude of the heart, unlimited in its scope and application…
To illustrate what he meant, Yeshua likened the kingdom of heaven to the reign of a king who took account of his servants, discovering one who owed him an enormous sum of money. The debtor was unable to pay so the king then ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, children, and all of his possessions. The servant threw himself to the ground and begged the king for mercy, saying, “O Lord, have patience with me and I will repay you everything.” The king, moved with compassion, then graciously forgave him his debt.
Some time later, however, the selfsame servant found a fellow servant who owed him some money and grabbed him by the throat, saying, “Pay me what you owe me!” In response his fellow servant threw himself to the ground and begged the man, saying, “O have patience with me and I will repay you everything.” But the man refused the appeal and had him thrown in prison until he repaid the debt.
When the king’s other servants understood what had been done, they were grieved and came before the king to tell him what had happened. The king then summoned the man and said, “O you wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?” The king then remanded him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. Yeshua then concluded the parable by saying: “This is how my Heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from the heart” (see Matt. 18:23-35).
Our Lord was warning us that if we do not forgive our brother “from the heart,” that is, sincerely and without dissimulation, we will hold the fires of resentment within us and consign ourselves to grave suffering. This is the “middah keneged middah” principle, “like for like,” and measure for measure: “as you do unto others, so will be done unto you.” Therefore we see that forgiveness is not “recommended” for a godly life, it is absolutely essential. Forgiving “from the heart” relieves the inner pressure and pain induced by resentment, and the anger will dissipate. Your tension will be gone and you will feel lighter and set free. As it is written: “With the merciful you will show yourself merciful, with the upright you will show yourself upright; with the pure you show yourself pure” (Psalm 18:25-26).
It is important to understand that forgiveness is not an attempt to rationally understand or “explain away” sin; nor does it try to reduce (or “deconstruct”) evil in “naturalistic” terms. No, forgiveness deals with spiritual reality, that is, behavior that violates God’s moral truth and law, and therefore the doer of moral evil is under divine judgment. God’s forgiveness is costly and never cheap. It is a “severe mercy” that cost him the sacrifice of his son to release us from the debt we owe. And it is a gift, a sacrifice freely offered to repay what the sinful person owes. Forgiveness is therefore a conscious decision – an act of the will – that releases the sinful person from their guilt and lets go of any desire for revenge.
Because “we cannot give what we do not have,” the ability to forgive comes from something outside of ourselves, namely, the miracle of God’s life-giving grace accepted within the trusting heart. As we receive forgiveness from God, so we are obligated (and enabled) to practice forgiveness toward others. This is the “divine reciprocity,” the “balance” of a heart that is in genuine communion with Him. How we respond to God is revealed by how we treat others. What we do affects God’s heart, just as what God does affects our hearts.
Your forgiveness is your forgiveness: as you forgive, so you reveal your heart. What you do comes from what you are, not the other way around… We are first transformed by God’s grace and then come works of love. We are able to judge others mercifully, with the “good eye,” because we come to believe that we are beloved by God.
On the other hand, if we refuse to forgive others, we thereby subject ourselves to God’s judgment. Our indignation inwardly appeals to God as Elohim (אלהים), the Judge, rather than as YHVH (יהוה), the merciful Savior. But appealing to God for retribution for another’s sin is to fall under judgment ourselves (see Rom. 2:1-3). Hardening our heart locks us into a torture chamber of our own choosing. “This is how my Heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from the heart” (Matt. 18:35). Refusing to be merciful to others is self-destructive and deeply painful. “Hurt people hurt people,” and bitterness invariably leads to desolation and hopelessness. “Despair has been called the unforgivable sin – not presumably because God refuses to forgive it, but because it despairs of the possibility of being forgiven” (Frederick Buechner).
Just as God graciously paid the price for our forgiveness, he expects us to pay the price of forgiving others as well. “The discretion of a man defers his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression” (Prov. 19:11). In the parable mentioned above, Yeshua says the refusal to forgive your brother is wickedness: “O you wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?” (Matt. 18:32-33).
The consequences of retaining an unforgiving spirit are dreadful: the prison cell of resentment tortures the heart, extinguishes hope, and ultimately destroys the soul. “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no one be like a bitter root springing up and causing trouble, and through him many become defiled” (Heb. 12:15).
Deliverance from bitterness requires the miracle of God given in the gospel. What is at stake is the very salvation of your soul. If you find yourself unable to forgive, revisit the cross of Yeshua and behold how he bore your sin and paid for your freedom through his utmost agony and suffering. When we truly receive the miracle of grace it will show up in our interpersonal relationships (as well as in our relationship with ourselves).
Forgiveness is “easy” to those who have little to be forgiven, but the message of the cross is that we are in great need of healing, that our sinful heart is a disaster for us, and that we are desperately ashamed and in need of utmost reconciliation. In your struggle, ask the gracious Lord to increase your faith: “Lord, I believe: help my unbelief.” Go to the cross, with your sin and your need before you, and pour out your heart in confession. Trust your Heavenly Father to fulfill his will in your life. The Lord is able and willing to give you a new heart and a new spirit according to his sure promise. Amen.
Hebrew Lesson
Psalm 86:5 reading:
- Psalm 86:5 Hebrew page (pdf)
Hebrew Lesson
Matthew 5:9 reading:
- Matt. 5:7 Hebrew page (pdf)