“You do not know what spirit you are of…” (Luke 9:55). Yeshua’s words imply that each of us has the responsibility to know ourselves (γνῶθι σεαυτόν), and to learn to endure (and overcome) the natural motives and focus of our hearts. We discover the truth of our spiritual condition in the midst of our daily frustrations, as we experience conflict, opposition, and the inner groan that arises from pressure and disappointment. Spiritual growth means learning to transcend our negative reactions, to stop cursing our conflicts, and to awaken to the blessings that surround and pervade our way.
God’s grace enables us to open our eyes so that we may “choose life and live” (Deut. 30:19). Our daily struggle with sin reveals the contradiction between the ideals of our faith and the spontaneous reactions of our heart…. We live in between the “is” and the “ought,” the real and the ideal (though often we deny one or the other). The impulse to despair, to be angry, to complain and curse our experience can be transformed into an opportunity to pray, to ask God for help, and to refocus on what is real.
This is the “hidden blessing” (ברכת סוד) of our troubles. When we learn to surrender to God’s Presence, we can breathe in his peace and love, despite the grief we encounter over ourselves and others. When we come to the light, and do not deny the truth about our condition, we can honestly ask the LORD for healing (Heb. 4:16). When we seek for the good – and even bless the struggle – we express our trust that God will use our sorrow to help us grow and to bring beauty from our ashes (2 Cor. 7:10). Hashivenu! “Turn us back to you, O LORD, and we shall be turned…”
Again, our daily struggle with sin reveals the contradiction between the ideals of our faith and the spontaneous reactions of our heart. If we are able to find the courage, our failures and brokenness may be used by God to distill the intentions of the heart by helping us to be more honest with ourselves. We begin to realize that we are more vulnerable than at first we thought; that our faith is not as strong as we imagined, and that our motives are often mixed and unconscious. Illusions are striped away; idols crumble; deeper levels of selfishness are uncovered; the gap between our words and our deeds is exposed… It is one thing, after all, to intellectually think about faith or to idealize spirituality, but it is quite another to walk out faith in darkness. Yet it is only there, in the rawness of heart, that we discover what we really believe and how our faith makes traction with reality…
Hashivenu! May the LORD our God help us walk with Him in truth. Amen….