Shalom friends. Soren Kierkegaard understood the “self” – that is, what is most essential to what you really are – to be a “dialectical relationship” you have with your own inner life, namely, with your thoughts, your feelings, and so on. He famously said: “The self is a relation which relates to itself, or that in the relation which is its relating to itself. The self is not the relation but the relation’s relating to itself” (Sickness unto Death). This might seem like a nonsense statement, but what Kierkegaard meant was that you are always having a conversation with yourself, and there – in that dialog or “dialectic” – you are always deciding what matters most to you, what you really want, what you choose to believe, and so on. As strange as it may sound, “you” are always in relationship with yourself – both as speaker and hearer, and you are also the one who reasons and makes judgments about what to do in the midst of the ongoing conversation… Now what is most significant about this inner discourse, this “court of decision,” is both the reasons for or against something, as well as the moral competence and authority of the judge. How could the “divided self” be unified, after all, if it made decisions that were not based on reality and truth?
Of course much of the time we are not conscious of what we are thinking, but we act from impulse acquired through unreflective habit and the passive acquiescence of worldly “assumptions” made about the meaning of things. This is the mode of the “mass mind” that has gone asleep and no longer bothers to ask searching questions about what is real… However, since whatever is thought is indeed based on assumptions, it is important to discern what those assumptions are and to question their veracity.
For example, you might “find yourself” feeling upset over the political affairs of the world, anxious about the future, and so on. “The world is falling apart,” you might say, or “everything is coming undone!” It is wise, in this case, to discover the assumptions being employed that give reasons for your fear. What “argument” is being made within yourself that leads you to conclude that fear (or outrage or despair) is the appropriate response? What “axioms” or premises are at work in your thinking? Perhaps you assume that “God takes care of those who take care of themselves” and therefore you must “take control,” you must fight against evil, and that you are responsible (somehow) for the state of the world, and so on.
If you take time to honestly examine your reasons for believing that your fear (or anger, or despair) is justified, you will eventually encounter foundational assumptions that are paradoxical and contradictory, such as notions that you are (both) responsible for everything yet nothing is within your control, or that you are (both) “free” yet determined by necessity, that God is (both) distant and yet very near, and so on. And this is where things get interesting and vitally important: in the midst of these tensions, in the midst of the “dialog” you have with such ultimate questions, in the midst of such ambiguity, you (both) must make a practical decision and yet you are unable to do so. Though you “hear” the arguments pro and con within your heart, you are simply unqualified to make a decision about what you should do: you are “double minded, unstable in all your ways.”
It is not hopeless, however, because you were never meant to be the judge and moral authority of your life, since that role belongs to God alone who is the Sovereign LORD over all reality, and the only one who truly defines what is “good” and what is “evil.” The original sin, after all, was the usurpation of God’s authority over our lives. When Adam ate from the Tree of the knowledge of good *and* evil, he sat himself upon the throne of the heart as the god of his own life. The dreadful fall…
Healing comes through teshuvah, or returning to God as the true Authority of our lives. In the midst of the inner dialog of the self, your ego or “false judge” must abdicate the throne before the LORD, sincerely submitting to God’s wisdom and truth. Doing so presents another “Voice” to the inner conversation of your self, namely the Voice of God’s presence, power, and authority as the true Judge and Lord of our lives. This is the deeper meaning of “Shema,” that is, to listen to God, to submit to his terms of reality, and to engage this within the deepest recesses of the self. Doing so yields “shalom” because you rest in God’s wisdom and care for your life, instead of anxiously debating about what to do in the midst of the ambiguity and confusion of this world. Let’s face it, you make for a poor god…
When you are tempted to despair, friend, when you seek to lose yourself in distractions of rage or fear, turn to God and ground yourself in what is real. Pray. Ask for divine wisdom; ask for truth in the midst of your inner conflict and uncertainty (Heb. 4:16). Then listen. Open your heart and ready yourself to hear the “still small voice” that will guide you. Doing so will purify your heart and transform your mind. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to You, O LORD, my Strength and my Redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).
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Hebrew Lesson
Psalm 19:14 Hebrew reading and commentary:
- Psalm 19:14 Hebrew card (pdf)