“Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance” (Luke 5:31-32). Every one of us has a “dark side” or a “shadow self” that has destructive and selfish urges. We try to conceal this truth from others (and even ourselves) but such denial doesn’t change the reality within our hearts (Matt. 5:19; Jer. 17:9; Eccl. 9:3). Indeed, when we pretend to be something we are not we are more likely to be overwhelmed by dark forces hidden within us. Paradoxically we most vulnerable when we think we are well, that is, when we deny our sickness our heart and minimize our need for deliverance.
The way of healing is to “own” or confess the truth of our inner condition and to acknowledge the dark passions that sometimes overmaster our best intentions. We must give ourselves permission to allow the hurt, angry, and fearful voices to be heard and sanctioned within us – and then to bring these dark and hidden aspects of our selves before God for healing. The failure to do so will split the soul and cause the hidden aspects of the self to seek “revenge” upon the “parent self” that censors their message. The struggle within our hearts is real and we should attend to it seriously. Denying evil by pretending that we are okay, or by blaming others, blinds us to the truth of our ongoing need for deliverance. May God help each of us to be honest with ourselves and to confess our great need before our Heavenly Father.
Some of us seem far more concerned with how others see than how God sees us… We strive to manage a public image crafted for others but lose the substance of what is real. Trying to control how we are seen by others is exhausting, however, since it implies that we must find our value in their (conditional) approval rather than from a deeper source. The emotional need for approval is a form of cruel bondage: We take ourselves too seriously, we deny who we really are, and we believe we are never good enough. Over time we become anxious and easily offended people… “Am I now trying to gain the approval of people, or of God?” (Gal. 1:10).
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Not just this or that particular sin, mind you, but the whole constellation of attitudes, assumptions, and wayward thinking that brought us into exile in the first place. The word confession (ὁμολογία) means bringing yourself naked before the Divine Light to agree with the truth about who you are. Indeed, the verb homologeo (ὁμολογέω) means “saying the same thing” – from ὁμός (same) and λόγος (word). In biblical Hebrew teshuvah (תְשׁוּבָה) means turning back to God by turning away from what makes you lost in unreality and painful exile. God’s love for us is the question, and our teshuvah – our turning of the heart toward Him – is the answer. Teshuvah is one of the great gifts God gives each of us – the ability to turn back to Him and seek healing for our brokenness.
Our Lord said: “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness…” (Matt. 5:6). Yes, blessed are those who suffer such desperate need, who know inner emptiness, who are not made numb to the ache, and who cry from the heart for deliverance. Blessed are those who are in dread over themselves, who fall as one dead before the Divine Presence, who know they are undone, ruined, and dying for life… The great danger, spiritually speaking, is to become complacent, untouched by poverty of heart, to be lulled asleep, lost within a dream, made comatose, living-yet-dead. The gift of faith first reveals our own lostness and then imparts courage to live with ourselves despite ourselves as we seek God’s healing and life… Let us press on, dear friends.
Regarding the contrast between “religion” and “spirituality,” Carl Jung once wrote: “One of the main functions of formalized religion is to protect people against a direct experience of God.” The use of rituals, ceremonial laws, customs, the establishment of a hierarchy of believers (i.e., professional clergy), and so on, devises a layer or buffer to avoid personal encounter with God… As Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) once said, “The most pernicious of all evasions is—hidden in the crowd, to want, as it were, to avoid God’s inspection of oneself as a single individual, avoid hearing God’s voice as a single individual, as Adam once did when his bad conscience fooled him into thinking that he could hide among the trees” (Upbuilding Discourses in Various Spirits). Likewise religious dogma (or theology) can create a belief system that encourages a sense of “us” against “them” that leads to the quintessential prayer fo the hypocrite: “God, I thank you that I am not like other men” (Luke 18:11). Again Kierkegaard insightfully notes that theologizing can serve to excuse people from the duty to live in genuine faith: “All this interpreting and interpreting and scholarly research and new scholarly research that is produced on the solemn and serious principle that it is in order to understand God’s Word properly — look more closely and you will see that it is in order to defend oneself against God’s Word. It is only all too easy to understand the requirement contained in God’s Word” (For Self-Examination).
Keep the flame within your heart burning, friend… A sage once told a person struggling with his faith: “It is written that all creation was brought into being because of people like you. God saw there would be people who would cling to our holy faith, suffering greatly because confusion and doubt would plague them. God perceived that such would overcome these doubts and troubles of heart and remain strong in their belief. It was because of this that God brought forth all creation.” Indeed, it was because of this that Yeshua our LORD suffered and died for you… Amen. Therefore never yield to despair, since that leads to further darkness and fear. Press on and keep fighting the “good fight” of faith (1 Tim. 6:12). Remember that you infinitely matter to heaven; your life has great value; you are significant and you are truly loved by our Heavenly Father. There is a “future and a hope” for you; there is “a white stone, and on that stone will be written a new name that no one can understand except the one who receives it” (Rev. 2:17). May “the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perishes, though it be tested with fire, be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation to come” (1 Pet. 1:7).
In the Torah we read: “And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God…” (Deut. 10:12). Notice that “fear of the LORD,” yirat Adonai (יִרְאַת יהוה), comes first and is what is required of you. The sages say that to fear the LORD means that your fear should be like God’s fear. But what could God possibly fear, you ask? Only this: that you will turn away from his love and destroy yourself. To fear God means abhorring that which breaks the relationship He desires with you. That is the wound of God’s heart, and that is what God “fears.”
The Talmud states that even after the judgment of the great Flood (הַמַּבּוּל) humanity refused to truly turn back to God (as the present state of this world also attests). In light of the ongoing wickedness of mankind, the early sages Hillel and Shammai engaged in a protracted machlochet l’shamayim (“a debate for the sake of heaven”) regarding whether it would have been better for humans not to have been created at all… Hillel argued that it was better that humans had been created, whereas Shammai argued the other way. Finally a vote was called for and the decision rendered was this: It would have been better for humans not to have been created than to have been created. However, since we do in fact exist, we must search our past deeds and carefully examine what we are about to do (Eruvin 13b).
The disciples assumed Yeshua needed earthly bread to find strength, but he said to them, “I have food to eat that you do not know about” (John 4:32). This “hidden bread” (i.e., lechem ha-nistar: לֶחֶם הַנִסְתָּר) was the passion and joy He had doing the will of God… Notice how the Teacher often used metaphors to elevate the thinking of his students. Earthly bread is a shadow of a deeper reality. Just as physical bread is a means to physical life, so “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that God speaks” (Deut. 8:4; Matt. 4:4). Therefore Yeshua is the true manna, the “Living Bread” (לֶחֶם חַיִּים) from heaven that sustains us in “the desert” of this world. He is the One who truly satisfies the heart by removing the inner pain of our emptiness and hunger.